From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Elliott C. Evans)
Subject: Fact vs. Fiction
To: email@example.com (Dan&Eric Mailing List)
Date: Wed, 22 Mar 95 13:34:21 EST
The Roy Rogers' Roast Beef wrapper I have here on my desk has a big circle printed on the inner surface. Printed in the middle of the circle are the words, "PLACE SANDWICH HERE."
I saw a guy get hit by a bus today. It was one of those busses that's decorated all over as an advertisement, this one for the Eight O'Clock Bean Company. His wife was standing over him screaming at the top of her lungs how she always said it was the coffee that was going to kill him.
S. W. Randall Toyes and Giftes in Station Square has some battery operated animals wandering around in front of their store. Spencer's used to do this, but they would tether the animals. These wander around freely, but they have balloons attached to them, so you won't trip over them. The funny part is how Station Square regulars kind of take care of these animals, as if they were pets or something. If one works itself into a corner, a passerby will lift up the animal by its balloon, and set it off in a better direction.
While I was in Atalantic City over the weekend, I saw some very nice casinos, tastefully decorated, and peopled by the quietest gamblers you've ever seen. When a slot machine would pay off, a little sign would light up (dimly) saying, "You win," and then a bunch of coins would slowly slide out a chute into a felt lined basket. People seemed to win all the time, and if you lost a few in a row, the pit boss would come over, give you a free drink, and explain how gambling was just an amusement, and maybe you should go outside and look at the beach.
One time, I was pulling out of the Station Square parking lot, and the car in front of me was taking a long time at the booth. I could see that the male occupants of the car were wearing turbans of some sort, and the women were all veiled. When I finally got up to the booth, the attendant asked me, "How am I supposed to tell some guru how to get up to the top of Mount Warshington?" I replied, "Well, if the mountain won't come to Mohammad..."
Elliott C. "Eeyore" Evans