I created the extra penis length certificates in the summer of 1991 to fill a special need. Were you ever talking to somebody about stuff, and suddenly you realize that it's not a conversation, it's a contest, and the other person is trying to win. Frequently, these conversations involve what computer you own, or how hard it is to find shoes in your extra large size.
I realized eventually that these conversations are really about the size of your penis. I also decided that if you get really good at these conversations, there should be some way of acknowledging the ponderous nature of your manhood.
So, I created these certificates. They're meant to be printed out onto both sides of some paper, and then cut into small rectangles, one certificate per piece. Keep a few in your pocket at all times to reward your favorite testosterone junkie.
In case you can't read the back, it says:
For exceptionally extra-macho behavior, the bearer of this card has been granted Extra Penis Length In the amount of One Inch, and should be considered to posess a penis one inch greater than his actual physical size. This card may be combined with other cards for greater penis length.