This post is titled:

Elliott Evans Stamps

No, I haven't had stamps made with my image. I don't have that big an ego. I do, however, have a big enough ego that I've configured a Google New Alert to inform me if my name ever appears in the news. Usually this means I get updates about people named Evans playing highschool sports in Elliott township, but recently my name hit the big time.

The U.S. Marshal's Service placed a "cracked-out maniac" named "Elliott Evans Stamps" on its "Top 15 Most Wanted" list. I've been getting periodic updates from Google regarding his flight. To preclude any confusion between us, I present this handy guide:

• "Elliott Evan[s] Stamps is a black male, 5'7" tall, and weighs 210-250 pounds. He has scars on his nose, both arms, and scars from a gunshot wound on his abdomen. He has a tattoo on his right arm, and scars from stitches on his right elbow."
• Elliott C. "Eeyore" Evans is a caucasian (Really! I'm 1/4 Russian.) male, 5'9" tall, and weighs 140-150 pounds. He has a scar at the base of his his right thumb, and an appendectomy scar on his abdomen. He has no tattoos, unless you count that spot on his left index finger where he accidentally stuck himself with a sharp pencil.

I hope this comparison is helpful.

2008.06.25 at 12:00am EDT

All text and graphics copyright © 2007-2013 Elliott C. Evans except where otherwise noted.

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