The Official Five Question Purity Test

by Elliott C. Evans
December 25, 1992

Section I - Introduction

I always liked taking the purity tests, but thought they were a huge investment of time. Even the 500 question version taxed my patience, and I only skimmed the 1500. I thought there should be a very short purity test that would allow people to get a quick approximation of their percentage with very little work. The following test of five questions was the result.

The only bad thing about this test, is that it is easy to get a score of zero without doing nasty things to dead animals, live animals, or food you intend to eat.

Section II- Directions

Answer all five of the questions, keeping track of the number of yes answers you give.

All technicalities count - If you want them to.

Section III - The questions

1. Have you ever had sex with a male?
2. Have you ever had sex with a female?
3. Have you ever partaken of recreational drugs?
4. Are you some kind of pervert?
5. Do you want a lower score on this purity test?

Section IV - Scoring this test

Multiply your number of yes answers by 20, and subtract that number from 100. This will give you your approximate percentage purity.