Excerpts from danampersanderic: 26-Feb-95 Richard Gere Week Drew Olbrich@pdi.com (899)

> That's right! The final week of February is devoted to that
> famous American actor who charms the most stoic of women,
> who melts the hearts of pre-pubescent girls, and who,
> quite frankly, exudes a crippling erotic panache
> with every breath.

I, for one, find nothing at all attractive or erotic about Richard Gere. Or Tom Cruise. Or any of the Baldwin Brothers. Or Kevin Costner, either.

Go figure.

e.

To: danampersanderic@andrew.cmu.edu
Subject: Re: Richard Gere Week
From: CHERYL@csa.com (Cheryl Droffner)
Date: Mon, 27 Feb 95 12:27:58 GMT

Richard Gere stumbles into the Maryland MVA, drunk off his aerobicized ass (sometime betwwen 8:30 and 4:30 on a weekday, mind you, the only time they're open). He's got a bone to pick with them. He has no problem disracting the sex-starved housewives manning the counter, so that he can place a briefcase hiding a huge magnet right next to their main computer which stores all the files. He also manages, in some way so secret that I can't even tell you, erases all their backup files as well.

Then the pillaging begins. He doesn't kill them, no, that would be too easy. In fact, he makes them spend hours extracting from him what their fates will be. The conversation goes something like this:

Fearful, crying MVA employees: "After we cut off our own fingers with plastic butterknives, and rub the bloody stubs of our hands in a mixture of salt, alcohol and orange juice, will you set us free?" Richard Gere: "No, then you need to eat the fingers you just cut off in a sauce of your own mucus."

Fearful, crying MVA employees: "OK, after we cut off our own fingers with plastic butterknives, rub the bloody stubs of our hands in a mixture of salt, alcohol and orange juice, and eat the fingers we just cut off in a sauce of our own mucus will you set us free?"

Richard Gere: "No, then you need to forge Cheryl personized license plates from the flesh off your backs. Then you cwill be free to go."

The only problem with this scenario is that, in Hollywood, doing something like this would enhance the likelyhood of more work being thrown your way. Plus, a lifetime supply of interviews on talk shows (if you're lucky, alongside Charles Manson) is sure to be coming your way.

Cheryl who doesn't hold a grudge against the MVA, really